Creating A Better Family Life

Are Your Teens Smoking?

2008-01-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

Each year more than 1 million people die from tobacco related illnesses.

Because of advertisements and other forms of media that promote smoking, many teens think it is okay and cool to smoke. And now many teens are getting addicted to nicotine and cigarettes.

What Influences Teens To Smoke?

Often the biggest influences for teen smoking are the kid's parents. When a child sees a parent smoking they begin to think it is okay for them to do the same thing.

Though parents are a big influence some other huge influences for teens to smoke are: movies, television, advertising and friends.

Advertisements for smoking that target kids are so effective that the government has issued a policy to discourage tobacco advertisement to children on penalty of fine.

Your teen's friends are also a big influence. Friends of your teen can often be the source that provides the cigarettes. Friends use peer pressure to encourage smoking.

When your teen gets a hold of cigarettes and starts experimenting, nicotine's addicting traits help to quickly ingrain the smoking habit.

Nicotine - The Addicting Drug in Cigarettes

Nicotine is a key ingredient in cigarettes. It is key because it is so highly addictive to the smoker. Nicotine not only is the main cause of the smoking addiction, it is also extremely toxic and causes irritation of lung tissue. It constricts blood vessels, increases blood pressure and heart rate and stimulates the central nervous system. In recent years, cigarette makers have been boosting the levels of nicotine in their cigarettes - no doubt to increase smoking addiction and sell more cigarettes.

Smoking’s Long Term Health Problems

Of the many long-term health problems you can get from smoking, emphysema, heart disease and cancer are the worst. Many people think the only cancer you can get from smoking is lung cancer. This is not true. You can also get mouth, pharynx, esophagus, pancreas, urinary gland and kidney cancer.

Smoking is Hard To Quit

The physical craving for nicotine makes it hard for smokers to quit. It may seem hopeless once a smoking habit has begun; however there are many treatments for quitting smoking.

5 Tips To Help Smokers Quit

1- Get rid of all your cigarettes, tobacco, lighters and other smoking paraphernalia.

2- Get support from friends, family or a smoking cessation group.

3- Learn new skills and behaviors you can do when you get the urge to smoke.

4- If needed, get medication for smoking cessation and use it correctly to cut the craving for cigarettes.

5- Be prepared for difficult situations and temptations to relapse.

For some people getting prepared to quit by following the tips above is not enough to successfully follow through. Many people who want to quit smoking have to give themselves additional motivation to stop smoking.

Some additional motivators include:

- Parents focus on how stopping smoking will help their children have less chance of becoming smokers themselves.

- Many people remind themselves of the money they will save each day by not smoking. If cigarettes are averaging $4/pack, and a person smokes a pack a day that is $120/month or $1,440 each year.

- Other smokers who want to quit focus on the ill health effects they are exposing themselves to like heart attack, stroke or cancer.

Bottom line is that smoking is a detrimental habit that causes disease and wastes money. Smoking cigarettes is foolish - the only way to be cool is to quit.

Grilled Vegetables - Try Something New Today

2007-10-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

If you have never grilled vegetables on your barbecue before, now is the time to start. It is easy to do and you will experience tastes only obtainable by grilling.

Here are some tips and techniques for preparing and grilling vegetables.

What vegetables are best for grilling?

Almost any vegetable can be grilled, obviously some grill better than others. Here is a list of vegetables that do especially well on the grill:

Corn on the cob, all types of peppers, Zucchini and summer squash, eggplant, asparagus, whole tomatoes, Portabello mushrooms, potatoes, artichokes, fennel, and whole onions.

How to prepare your vegetables for grilling.

For corn on the cob, peel the husks back a little over half way. Do not pull them off completely. Try to get most of the corn silk off, then pull the husks back up and tie them to the cob, then soak the whole ear in water for about an hour before setting over a hot fire on the grill.

You can also do this. When you take the cobs out of the water, untie them and brush them with a mixture of melted butter and chili pepper sauce, salt and pepper, then tie them back up and then put them on the grill. They are really good!

Zucchini should be washed thoroughly, ends trimmed off, then slice the Zucchini lengthwise in one-quarter inch thick slices. Brush with olive oil and place over a hot grill. They will not take long so keep and eye on them. Do not over-cook.

Asparagus can be rolled in olive oil, salt and pepper and placed across the grill and turned occasionally. They are great and again, do not over cook.

Eggplant should be sliced about half an inch thick, salted and placed in a strainer to drain. After about half of an hour, dry the slices with a clean paper towel and brush with olive oil and grill.

Artichokes should be halved lengthwise and placed in boiling salted water for about 15-20 minutes, then drained thoroughly. Brush the cut sides liberally with olive oil, salt and pepper and place cut side down over hot fire.

Whole bell peppers can be grilled till the skins blister and turn black. Then scrape or pull the blackened skin off, toss with olive oil and salt and pepper and enjoy. You can also do this with Anaheim chiles and Chiles Poblanos, also known as Ancho or Pasilla chiles.

Russet potatoes should have their skins cleaned thoroughly and dried. Then cook the potatoes in boiling salted water until only half cooked. Let them cool and cut into triangles lengthwise and spray with olive oil, place on hot grill, turning occasionally until brown and crispy.

You will notice that we have used olive oil in all the examples above but you can use peanut oil, walnut oil, or hazelnut oil if you wish. Canola or sunflower oils are just too bland for grilling.

Also, we have been grilling our vegetables directly on the grill but you can also use foil to construct a package for your vegetables. For example, slice a bell pepper and an onion, place in the middle of a large piece of foil, enclose the vegetables after dousing with olive oil and salt and pepper. Seal the package and place on the hot grill. It should be done in about 15 minutes.

You can also prepare a whole onion this way. Skin the onion, cut a cross from the top down three-quarters of the way through the onion, pour on some olive oil and wrap with foil, salt and pepper and put on the grill. Wallah!

There you have a few examples of the wonderful world of vegetable grilling. Now here are some more tips on grilling in general.

If you are going to buy a gas grill, be sure to get one with at least 40,000 to 50,000 BTU's (British Thermal Units) as this will give you enough heat to make those attractive grill marks on your steaks, hamburgers and vegetables.

Vegetables generally are grilled over high heat, so when grilling with charcoal, build a 3-zone fire with the coals piled in a double layer on one side of the grill, then in a single layer in the center of the grill and then with no coals on the other side.

This lets you sear over the high heat of the double layer, cook over the moderate heat of the single layer, and keep your vegetables warm over the coal free zone.

You may want to invest in a vegetable tray. That is a tray with small holes that you can place onto the grill which will hold smaller vegetables like cherry tomatoes, garlic cloves or various sliced vegetables.

Another valuable accessory would be a fish basket. This eliminates the fish from sticking to the grill and flaking-up and falling through the grills.

Stock up with some bamboo skewers for small kebabs and chicken sate (Thai style chicken). To keep the skewers from burning just soak them in water for about an hour before using.

So there you are. This information should give you the confidence to begin grilling those vegetables for your next barbecue party.

How To Make Your Children Smarter

2007-07-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

Scientific research shows that intelligence is both genetic and environmental. Intelligence is also not fixed but can be increased because the brain develops new neurons and interconnections with stimulation.

A supportive environment fosters numerous aspects of intelligence. The following 10 easy ways to stimulate intelligence in children will provide an "enriched environment" for brain growth.

One: Love and Self-Esteem Improve Academic Performance

In a long series of experiments, Prescott Lecky, an American educational researcher, found a high correlation between low self-esteem and learning problems in children.

He correctly theorized that by raising a child's self-esteem, learning performance would also improve.

His success stories include a poor speller who averaged 55% in spelling improved to 91% in six months, a Latin student who went from 30% to 84% after three encouraging conversations with a teacher, and a student considered to have no aptitude for English who improved over a semester to win the school's literary prize.

Two: Breast Fed Babies Are Smarter

Danish researchers found that mother's milk contained essential micronutrients for brain development. In fact, the longer the child was breast fed, the more the brain was nourished. For example, infants breast fed for 9 months were smarter than infants only breast-fed for two months.

Three: Proper Nutrition Improve Health And Nerve Conduction

Diets high in sugar, Trans fatty acids, and salt decreased health in children. Junk food failed to provide sufficient iron for healthy brain development, resulting in poor nerve impulses. Children with nutritional deficiency also missed school more often because of illness and fell behind their peers.

Four: Proper Breakfast Improves Attention At School

Thirty years of research has shown a strong correlation between breakfast and mental alertness. Children who had nutritious breakfasts had better memory. They also concentrated better and absorbed more information during class. Those who had no breakfast or poor breakfast were more irritable and distracted during class.

Five: Exercise Benefits Intelligence And Personality

Research conducted by the University of Illinois showed that fitter children performed better academically. Besides the obvious physiological benefits of improved oxygen intake, blood flow, immune stimulation, and neural transmission, there was also a psychological and sociological component, too. Psychologically, fitter children showed higher self-esteem. Sociologically, those who participated in organized sports displayed more confidence, more cooperation, and spontaneous leadership.

Six: Musical Training Improves IQ Into Adulthood

Long-term research by the University of Toronto showed that organized music lessons benefited children all the way into adulthood. The longer the child studied music, the higher their IQs as adults. Music students also displayed better grades throughout their schooling.

Seven: Some Video Games Enhance Mental Acuity

Research by the University of Rochester found that certain video games improved sensory perception, strategic thinking, and planning ahead of time. The video games that created positive mental improvements had an educational element that improved motor skills and enhanced memory.

Eight: Mind Games Do More Than Entertain

Board games like chess, checkers, creative games like Lego and jigsaw puzzles, and brainteaser games like crosswords, cryptograms, riddles, and Sudoku improved intelligence. Specifically, they stimulated better decision-making, smarter analytical thinking, and more accurate problem solving.

Nine: Reading Improves Both Creativity And Logic

Whether a child was read to at bedtime, or actively read their own books, silently or aloud, they displayed increased left and right brain intellectual growth. Both fiction and non-fiction books improved creative imagination and logical, sequential thinking.

Ten: Nurturing Curiosity Creates An Open, Absorbent Mind

Curiosity, the urge to seek knowledge, is essential to improving intelligence in children. Conducting educational outings, teaching new skills, and supporting hobbies encouraged the development of curiosity.

These 10 ways of raising intelligence in children are easy to apply, practical, and within the reach of parents and teachers. Research has shown that they are highly effective in creating the environmental support children need to develop their intelligence.

The Lazy Cooks Guide To Cooking

2006-11-09T05:06:00.000-08:00

Have you ever found yourself wondering how you can give a new lift to old favorites? Or worrying over how you can tempt those picky eaters?

Try keeping a few sheets of frozen puff pastry in the freezer.

Puff pastry is one of the most useful, and at the same time most overlooked, weapons in the cook's arsenal. It gets less exposure than it should because many people are nervous of using it. If you are one of those, read on. You are about to become an expert.

Frozen puff pastry is one of the food industry's great success stories. From the cook's point of view it's easy to handle, needs no preparation and, even more to the point, it works every time.

On top of all that, it's versatile enough to be used in any number of ways from making mini pizzas to decorating the lamb roast. There is practically no end to its flexibility.

Take desserts for example. Cut one sheet of thawed out puff pastry into four pieces, place a spoonful of fruit into the middle of each one, bring the opposite corners of the pastry into the center and crimp them together between finger and thumb. Lightly glaze with an egg beaten in milk, top with half an apricot and a sprinkling of sugar and pop into a medium hot oven for 15 minutes.

You can use exactly the same technique for individual savory pies or, for a terrific farmhouse-style result, use two whole sheets, one for the base and one for the top.

You don't even need a pie dish. Put the base directly on to a baking sheet, add the filling and top with the second sheet, folding the edges over and pinching the corners together. The base will be light and crisp when cooked and the crust golden-brown and flaky.

Once you get started on using puff pastry in this way, you may find it difficult to stop. One great technique is to cut the pastry into shapes using a cookie cutter, glaze and bake the individual pieces and then use them to decorate whatever dish you are serving.

You could use crescent shapes to top off a casserole, or prepare triangles and place them artfully on cooked meat or chops. You could even cut the pastry into rounds, cover with something like sweet chilli sauce and grated cheese, bake for 15 minutes or so and serve them with pre-dinner drinks.

Kids love these min-pizzas too.

The truth is you can go down any path your imagination takes you. As an ingredient this kind of pastry is just so forgiving it's hard to get it wrong. There are really only a couple of things to guard against.

One is incorrect cooking temperature, either too hot or too cool. Most ready-made puff pastry 'lifts' successfully at around 200-220 degrees Centigrade. The other thing to bear in mind is not to overdo the glaze. Too much egg-wash may result in a soggy finish that will not rise successfully. Just a light brushing will do.

So there you have it. A great product that is labor-saving, versatile, looks good and tastes great. What more could you ask for?

Get Your Kids to Eat Fruit and Vegetables

2006-11-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

Most children don't like to eat fruit and vegetables. How can parents get them to eat the food that is so good for them? Here are some ways:

1. Healthy breakfast

Fill your kids up on their fruit for the day at breakfast.
a. banana on toast, maybe with peanut butter;
b. cereal with fresh or dried fruit;
c. pancakes or waffles with fruit toppings;
d. fresh fruit smoothies and a yogurt and sliced fruit combo.

2. Hide vegetables in a sauce.
a. Grate and chop zucchini, carrots and spinach into pasta and cheese sauces;
b. puree mushrooms before putting them into spaghetti sauce to avoid kids seeing them and picking them out.

3. Add to dessert
a. Add fresh fruit pieces to Jello, yogurt or ice cream for a healthy treat;
b. puree fruit to use as homemade topping in place of chocolate or caramel syrup;
c. let your kids make their own fruit parfaits.

4. Put vegetables into the meat;
a. grate vegetables in meat dishes;
b. hide grated vegetables in meatball, casseroles, meatloaf, shepherd's pie and lasagna;
c. try an all-vegetable lasagna;
d. make all-vegetable "hamburger" patties.

5. One pot, many vegetables
a. Making homemade soups stews and chili are all easy ways to increase your family's intake of vegetables and fruit (yes, fruit!) Everything and anything healthy should go into the pot. Puree vegetables that the kids don't like and add them to the stock to use as a thickener.
b. Make gazpacho, a fruit soup using mangos, yellow pepper, yellow tomatoes, carrot, cantaloupe, cucumbers, papayas, raspberry vinegar, honey and vanilla extract.

6. Mystery foods
a. Use the kids' favorite cookies, cakes and breads as a cover for fruits and vegetables. Make sweet breads and desserts with vegetables - zucchini bread, sweet potato pie and pumpkin pie.
b. Slip fruits and vegetables in all kinds of things: applesauce in cookies, zucchini in chocolate cake, and grated carrots in pasta sauce.

7. Fast and healthy food
a. Homemade pizza. Give the kids tons of healthy toppings to choose from such as tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, spinach and pineapple. Let them make their own pizza.
b. Tacos or fajitas can be a great way to get kids to add vegetables in various forms - diced tomatoes, salsa, etc.
c. Stir fries - sugar peas, snow peas, spinach and carrots.
d. Omelets - salsa, tomatoes.

8. Keep fruit and vegetables handy
a. Keep washed fruit in a bowl nearby;
b. Have ready-to-serve individual fruit cups in the fridge;
c. make up vegetable-and-dip packs for snacks;
d. serve fruit and vegetables as a side dish at meals.

If at least some of the items on this list don't work, try making their food more interesting - like shapes out of vegetables - trees, animals, houses and let your kids pretend to be King Kong eating his surroundings.

Are You Considering Adoption?

2006-08-16T00:57:00.000-07:00

Are you thinking about adopting? There are thousands of children placed with adoptive parents every year in the U.S. and other countries, so you're not alone.

Adoption can provide a very special connection between a child and his or her adoptive parents. However, there are often sad circumstances surrounding adoptions. Some adoptive parents have been struggling for years to conceive a child only to deal with the heartbreak of infertility or miscarriage. Many children needing adoption have special needs including physical impairments or a history of abuse or neglect.

A sizable portion of adoptions take place amongst relatives or by step parents. Whatever the reason you are considering adoption, be prepared that for all the joys there are also difficulties ahead. Your adopted child needs you to be prepared and eager to create a new family. Ask yourself these questions as a means of determining your readiness for adoption:

- Why are you considering adoption? Are you hoping to save a marriage or fit in with friends who have children? Or are you committed to the idea of parenting regardless of how your life may change in the future?

- Can you handle the idea of not being genetically related to your child? Do you think it may impact your relationship with them? What if you eventually have genetic children of your own, will you still feel as committed to an adopted child?

- Are you able to handle the adoption process? The interviewing and waiting process can be daunting. There may be age restrictions or other concerns that affect your ability to adopt easily. What if you cannot adopt an infant? What if the child is from a different culture, race or country?

- Have you done research on special needs or transracial adoption? Could you handle the financial costs of a child with disabilities? Would you make lifestyle changes for a transracial adoption to help them feel comfortable and build self-esteem?

- Is parenting an adoptive child important to you? Have you always wanted to adopt or are you only recently considering the idea of adoption? Have you spoken to adoptive parents, known someone who was adopted or sought out information and advice about adopting?

The adoption process can sometimes be a trial, but the experience of adopting can be the most rewarding of your life. Continue to learn more about adoption, the process, cost and options available. Surrounding yourself with people who support your efforts will go a long way towards finding your adoptive child and helping him or her become part of your family.

How to Help Your Adopted Child Build Self Esteem

2006-08-16T00:54:00.000-07:00

Are you adopting a child from another culture, racial background or country? While all adopted children need to feel loved and special when adoptions place children with parents who have a very different background from them it poses an extra obstacle to feeling accepted.

Children have a natural need to identify with their parents. If speaking a different language, learning new customs and adjusting to a new family are not enough, some children are visible minorities in their new family or even their entire community or country. It takes love, patience and foresight to help these children build self esteem despite the obvious difficulties they will face.

Here are five areas that adoptive parents can take into consideration to help their child adjust.

BE OPEN ABOUT DIFFERENCES

Children, especially if they are from a different racial background, will notice from a young age that they are different from their parents or community. Young children may not be troubled by this, but it is a good time to build up their confidence in themselves and their connection to you when they point these differences out.

Praise your child's differences but counter that by identifying similarities between them and you. Maybe skin color or hair texture is different, but a love of music, a sense of humor or athletic ability can be shared.

INTRODUCING CULTURE

Introducing other cultures to your child shows them how you appreciate different backgrounds. Include connections to their culture by means of festivals, food, music and meeting people in the community and introduce other cultures as well.

If a trip to their birth country can be arranged when they are old enough it would be rewarding for everyone in the family. It may give you a different perspective to be a minority in their home land.

LANGUAGE

If your child is already speaking another language when you adopt them you will have an additional challenge in learning to communicate. You may also wish for your child to retain their original language.

Knowing others who speak the language, adopting siblings or children who speak the same language or learning the language yourself are all positive steps to maintaining that cultural link.

ADULT ROLE MODELS

Your children will look to you first as a role model. However, if your child is likely to face trials and discrimination that you have never experienced it would be to their benefit to have an adult acquaintance of the same background as a role model as well.

Strong role models will help your child find acceptance and teach them tools for handling hardships. You may empathize but it's not possible to truly understand what they are going through or how to handle rejection based on skin color or nationality.

ENCOURAGE TALENTS AND INTERESTS

Every parent wants their child to be confident, but when a child feels different from his peers it can quickly erode self confidence.

Building confidence in other areas of life will help your child handle peer pressure regardless of if they are physically different from their peers or not. Encourage talents or interests by enrolling them in classes or teams outside of school. Support their efforts to fit into peer groups when they express an interest; clothing, activities and recreation that makes them feel part of the group may be areas to consider.

Whatever steps you take to ease your child's introduction to your family, culture and community, it is your unconditional love and devotion that will give your child a firm foundation on which to grow and blossom as an individual. A confident child will handle the issues of being different by knowing they have their family's support and love.

How To HelpYour Child Overcome Fear

2006-05-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

Does your child suffer the detrimental effects of fear?

Fear is part of our emotional makeup that helps us to identify danger. When children sense that something is wrong, they may feel an intense anxiety, causing their heart rate and blood pressure to increase, as well as sweating, shaking or running away from their object of fear.

In cases where children are highly fearful, they may run to their parents with loud shrieks or screams. The sense of fear may not relate proportionally to the threat or danger that is evident. This is called “irrational fear”. When fear stops a child from functioning in their normal environment, it has become a “phobia”.

HOW ARE FEARS DEVELOPED?

There are several ways that children develop fear. The child’s first main contact with fear is usually developed by relating cause and effect. For instance, a loud noise like the discharge of a gun may cause a child to be afraid if they see negative effects resulting from the discharge. A child may run away to hide whenever they see a gun – avoiding the object of fear.

A second way that fear is developed in children is by observing the actions of others - usually their parents - and imitating them. For example, whenever a child sees a parent shriek or run away from a spider, the child learns that spiders are objects of fear.

Sometimes fears are developed when parents “reward” the child for showing a fearful response. For example, a child may avoid using a bath towel that has “germs” on it for fear of being contaminated. If a clean towel is given each time a child requests it because of “germs” then you really are only rewarding the fear response, rather than helping to solve the root cause.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THEIR CHILD OVERCOME FEAR?

Here are seven steps to help your child to overcome fear.

1. Don’t model fearful reactions
2. Show them that you can cope and don’t need to avoid fearful situations
3. Teach your child how to cope with fearful situations
4. Praise your child when they cope rather than run away
5. Keep a calm atmosphere during unsettled periods
6. Stay firm and keep a positive outlook
7. Talk about genuine threats to provide a balanced view

Your children’s fear can be reduced by working through the fearful situation directly with your child. By showing that you are able to handle fearful situations you can help your child to “outgrow” most fears that are common in children.

10 Ways To Cooking-Up Family Memories

2006-03-29T04:34:00.000-08:00

The kitchen is the perfect place for making memories. When you spend time baking, cooking and enjoying meals with your family, you create happy memories you and your children will cherish forever.

The benefits of preparing and enjoying food as a family are clear. You save money and eat healthier meals. You create opportunities to connect and communicate with your children and spouse. And most importantly, you show love for your family when you spend time cooking and eating with them. Children of all ages need your attention and your time. By working together to create a meal or bake a batch of cookies, you spend valuable time together.

So, here are 10 steps to get your family cooking up memories.

Step 1:
Teach small children the fun of cooking by helping them bake cookies and cakes. If you are short on time, you can use a boxed cookie mix and spend more time decorating.

Step 2:
Encourage the littlest ones to play pretend cooking. Kids love to play with real mixing bowls, strainers and wooden spoons. These make harmless toys and can be easily thrown in the dishwasher for quick cleanup.

Step 3:
If you live by your day-timer, schedule in baking cookies with your kids. Our schedules can be so hectic that something as simple as baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies can get skipped over. Write it down and do it.

Step 4:
If you have teenagers, let them play their favorite music while they wash the lettuce and set the table.

Step 5:
Work together with your spouse to prepare the dinner and use the time to catch up on each other's day.

Step 6:
Even if you are in a rush preparing dinner, remember to reduce your stress and focus on creating a fun atmosphere that naturally encourages the whole family to participate.

Step 7:
When spending time preparing food with your children, include lessons about healthy eating choices. Keep the conversation positive and avoid listing foods they can't have.

Step 8:
On days where you anticipate time will be tight, consider taking a short cut by using a frozen stir-fry mix or pasta with a jar of pre-made sauce. Your family will appreciate your relaxed mood much more than a made-from-scratch dinner.

Step 9:
Share the job of grocery shopping. One week have mom take one of the children as a helper, the next week dad can go with another child. Always work from a grocery list and let your children help you retrieve items and cross them off the list.

Step 10:
Have big family meals where you share about your day. Keep the conversation fun and avoid negative lectures over dinner. Remember to laugh.

Take these steps today and make your kitchen a fun and memorable place for your whole family.

How To Stop Your Child From Whining

2006-02-17T08:52:00.000-08:00

Here are seven steps that you can take to “Stop the Whining!” and get your children asking for things in a way that you desire.

STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING
If you are serious about limiting the whining, you need to stop what you’re doing and focus on your child and give them attention. Listen to what they have to say.

Boys will often talk in a very gruff tone, while girls will speak with elevated voice. Encourage them to speak so that they know they are being heard. However you need to help them separate the way they are speaking (their whining) from their request.

DESCRIBE THE CORRECT WAY OF ASKING
Firstly, address the method they are using to ask for things – the whining. You may say something like, “Jacob, you don’t need to whine when asking for a biscuit.”

Then you demonstrate the way that you want your child to ask for things. For instance, “Excuse me mommy, biscuit please”, would suffice.

This will take repetition so as to reinforce the correct technique for asking and is aimed at reducing the whining. You may have to remind your child from time to time about the “magic word” needed when asking for things.

Or you may say “Pardon?” to jolt their thinking – or even stare back at them with raised eyebrows and wait for their response.

PRAISE YOUR CHILD FOR SPEAKING NICELY
When your child remembers the way to ask for things in a nice manner, praise them! Say, “That was a beautiful way of asking.”

This reinforces that they are following the correct method. It is easy to forget that kids take time to learn how to ask for things correctly, however when they don’t have to be reminded then this is a time to lavish on them exceptional praise and encouragement.

IS THE CHILD’S REQUEST REASONABLE?
When training children to request things in a nice manner, and they achieve that, then it is recommended that you comply with their request.

Hold it. What if your child is asking for food, and dinner is only five minutes away from being served? If the aim is to stop whining behavior and get your child trained to speak nicely, then give them some food, but in a very small amount. The key is to focus on how the request is formed, whether it is appropriate or not. If so, comply with their request.

WHAT TO DO IF WHINING CONTINUES?
Children know instinctively that they can get their way by whining. So if whining continues you will need to go back to the original method that you want them to use for asking for things.

Say again, “Jacob, you don’t need to whine when asking for a biscuit.” This informs your child of the inappropriate behavior.

Then enforce your desired method of asking for things, “Jacob say, Excuse me mommy, biscuit please”.

WHAT TO DO IF THE CHILD PROTESTS?
If the whining behavior continues, you need to describe their undesirable behavior to them calmly, but firmly.

This is the time to take action. Describe what you are doing so that they understand why you are doing it. In relation to the biscuits, you may say, “OK Jacob, if you aren’t able to ask nicely then the biscuits go away for ten minutes. Now try again.”

You will need to follow through on your action to demonstrate that you mean what you say – else next time your child will know that whining is a way to get what they want, and mommy doesn’t really mean to threaten.

WHAT TO DO IF THE CHILD BECOMES AGGRESSIVE?
Remember to describe the whining behavior, as well as the correct method of asking for things. Then place them in quiet time for 2 minutes. Placing them on a chair or on a mat is ideal for this. Let them out of quiet time once their behavior has quieted down. Then you may want to go over the “nice way” of asking for things before encouraging them to ask again.

If your child is becoming aggressive and refuses to sit in quiet time, then you will need to implement a “time out” strategy. Following the lead of super-nanny, you will need to put them into time out for a short period of time - calculated as 1 minute more than the age of your child. So if your child is 4 years old, then place them in time out for 5 minutes. If the behavior continues, you will need to learn the technique for dealing with temper tantrums.

Remember that by keeping your cool you will be able to demonstrate the desired method of asking for things, and help them to “stop the whining!”

One Child or Two? Adding to the Family

2006-01-27T04:27:00.000-08:00

Bringing a sibling home is a dream for many parents and grandparents, and the desire to have more children can be an emotional and idealistic idea for some couples. Despite the mental picture, choosing to enlarge your family in this day and age requires a new set of guidelines and principles than when your parents were having children.

If you are debating whether to bring another child into your family, consider some of the following questions with your partner. You may find that your mind has already been made up!

What Is Your Plan?

You already have one child, so you're familiar with the work involved in caring for a baby. You've been through sleepless nights and diaper changes so what else is there to know?

If you are hoping for a large family with the idea of staying home with your children it is wise to consider the reality of your lifestyle and the sacrifices to be made. While a single child has already altered your life don't take for granted some of the ease with which you may be able to call on friends or family for babysitting, take your child to social events or on an errand run.

If you are still holding on to a lifestyle that you had before children you will very likely find a second child causes a drastic change. Granted, some children are easier than others, but if your first child is demanding more of you than you expected, a second child will only double that feeling.

What is the Cost?

The truth, despite what your grandmother may tell you, is that it does cost more to have more children - not just 'another potato in the pot'. More than one parent has had to find new babysitting arrangements when returning to work after a second child because the grandparent or friend did not feel able to take on the additional work. Daycare costs will double - drastically reducing your take-home pay.

If you are choosing to stay home with your children (which in some cases is financially more sound) you will still encounter extra costs even if the second child will wear your older child's clothes (assuming they are the same sex) or is breastfeeding for the first year.

Add to that the cost of health care, education and larger accommodations or vehicles and you will quickly see the numbers adding up. In your parents' or grandparents' time that might not have been such a big consideration. While choosing to have children is not only a financial cost, preparing for that aspect is important.

You may be in a good place financially and otherwise to take on the costs or you may feel the price of having more children to love is worth the sacrifice. Many families both survive and thrive on the tighter budget of additional children and if you are prepared for it yours can too.

How is Your Health?

Children can wear you out. Love them and cherish them but if you are dealing with poor health or stamina you may find your resources tapped with a second child.

It is a joy for a family to grow. You will not regret the person that comes, but for the sake of the family's happiness you need to treat the decision to add to a family as important as the decision to start one.

Choosing Films for Your Child

2005-12-31T04:04:00.000-08:00

Is the regular trip to the neighborhood video store or the downtown multiplex with your child starting to feel like an exercise in parental perplexity? If so, then there is no need to blame yourself. Combined with family-oriented classics, straight-to-video releases and children’s documentaries released by niche production companies, the sheer volume of movies aimed at young audiences is enough to make Mom and Dad long for the good old days of 1960s-era Walt Disney features about animals, princes and paupers, and fairy godmothers. Fortunately, quality children’s films are not limited to movies that star Mickey Mouse or Peter Pan. In fact, there are many children’s movies that not only entertain, but also impart the right values and paint an accurate picture of the world in which we live. The following guide can help you decide which movies are appropriate for your child.

Check the rating or classification. The ratings system used by the Motion Picture Association of America classifies movies based on the amount of violence, sex, nudity, strong language, and drug use your children will see or hear. Ratings offer advance information about movies so that parents can decide what films they want their children to see. However, do not rely on ratings alone to determine whether or not a movie is suitable for your child. Movie reviews in family-friendly publications can be a reliable source of information about film content. When in doubt, watch the movie yourself before taking your child to see it.

Movies must be age-appropriate. Children of different age groups and developmental stages do not respond similarly to visual content. A PG-rated movie may affect a seven-year-old differently than it would a 13-year-old. Make sure that the movie deals with a subject matter that your child is old enough to comprehend. For instance, a movie that discourages violence does not have to be gory or very frightening. Good children’s movies tackle sensitive issues and themes from a child’s point of view, while enhancing the child’s understanding and experience.

Choose movies that present truth and diversity. Movies should expand your child’s horizons and increase their awareness of how people live, relate, and solve problems. Movies with accurate representations of diverse groups of people can provide truthful insights on the different ways that people go about their daily lives. Is the stepmother depicted as a devious, scheming grouch? Does the movie make fun of people with disabilities? Avoid films that reinforce negative stereotypes or make a mockery of diversity.

Examine the kind of values that the movie teaches. Based on film reviews and your own experience of watching the movie, can you identify what values the movie seeks to impart to its young audiences? Good family movies should teach children the importance of honesty, respect, charity, tolerance, and hard work. Does the movie condemn violence as a means to resolve conflicts, or does it glorify crime as an acceptable route to fame and fortune? Quality children’s movies must truthfully show the consequences of the characters’ actions and decisions.

Video Game Careers

2005-12-12T00:06:00.000-08:00

As you begin embarking on your pursuits for higher education, what majors have you considered? Business? Accounting? Computers? Or how about more complex fields such as law or medicine which require additional years of schooling?

Well, if you have a passion for these things then you should go where your heart leads you. But if you're taking these types of majors simply because it seems like the right thing to do, perhaps you should consider a different course of action: majoring in something you TRULY enjoy... something you could do hours on end without feeling like you are working at all. And if you are like many people, this 'something' would be playing video games.

That's right! You can actually get a job creating and/or playing video games. Below is a list of some of the careers available for those with a video game degree.

1) Video Game Tester

This is a position in which you truly would get paid for playing video games. According to Doug Doine, a game tester for Electronic Arts, as a game tester you would "go over different components of a game and look for things that just don't make sense." You would also "break the game," meaning you would "do things a normal user would do and inadvertently see something go wrong."

Doug Doine further adds that video game testing is a good place to start for young people who want to "break into the industry." To get such a position in it is best to have a "passion for gaming" and some educational background. Doug himself has a degree.

2) Programmer

According to Gameinformer Magazine, video game programmers are the "heart and soul" of the industry. They are the ones responsible for creating the code necessary for getting video games to function. And contrary to popular belief, their jobs aren't always easy. Video game programming often involves creating complex functions and algorithms often times more challenging than programs created in Corporate America. Thus a talent for mathematics along with a more analytically-inclined brain are absolute essentials.

Indeed, game programming may not be the appropriate course for everyone seeking a video game career, but if you were deciding to go into the computer field anyway, which job would be more enjoyable... coding the next Halo, or working on a boring, hum-drum piece of no-name software?

3) Animator

Animators are responsible for coordinating the movement of video game characters. Accomplishing requires more than drawing something on a piece of paper, which according to Alex Drouin, an established game animator, occurs after a lot of "brainstorming, chilling, playing, planning and testing" with the programmer. But when the busy work is done, the video game animator will finally get a chance to do what he or she does best... animate. Alex Drouin says the thing he liked best about his job was "being able to come there late in the morning, sit behind his computer, put on a great CD, and then create crazy animation that will end up in a game that will be seen all around the world by gamers." Now, wouldn't it be nice if you could get a job like that? With a video game degree it is certainly possible!

4) Sound Designer

Sound designers are responsible for creating the music and sound effects of video games. Video game music is created either from digital sources or real-life orchestration. As video game consoles become more advanced, many sound designers favor the latter when deciding on what type of music they want in the games they are working on. Creating appropriate sound effects, on the other hand, sometimes requires more creative experimentation.

To be successful at video game sound designing it is best to: 1) have an interest in both music and sound, 2) possess knowledge of recording technology and 3) be familiar with the types of music and sound used in today's most popular video games. A video game degree will help develop these talents and skills.

5) According to Gameinformer Magazine, a producer "functions as the glue that holds a development team together, seeing to a variety of organizational tasks ranging from budgeting and planning to input on the direction of the game itself."

A good producer must possess superior management and accounting skills. This is because not only does a producer have to work with people on a regular basis trying to get them to meet deadlines, but they are also responsible for the budget of the video game project. Not knowing how to best spend money, (a skill acquired through accounting and economics), could result in financial failure.

Indeed, producers have a lot on their shoulders, but it is still a suitable option for non-technical persons who desire to get into the game industry.

6) Game Designer

Video game designers are responsible for creating the 'experience' of a particular game. Evan Wells, a video game designer, sums it up by saying "the main tasks of the designer is to make sure the game is fun."

Wells further adds that game designers are responsible for macro and micro level design. Macro level design involves "figuring out the core mechanics of the game; the variety of level looks, power-ups, etc." Micro-design involves creating the "actual levels and the moment-to-moment gameplay within those levels... the enemies, the objects, and the particular way you encounter those enemies and objects."

Good game designers should obviously have an interest in video games along with some drawing and programming skills.

7) PR Manager

If you would like to explore the marketing side of the video game industry, then consider becoming a PR manager. PR managers are responsible for promoting video games. And according to Natalie Salmon, a PR manager for Midway, part of this process involves "learning about the game that is going to be announced." So this boils down at some point having to play the video game. Isn't that what you wanted to do anyway?

8) Fields not relating to video games

Each of the career paths discussed above are fields that are not limited to the video game industry. If you decide that you don't want to use your video game degree to find a job related to video games, you can always use it to market yourself for other types of jobs. Of course, you may want to take a class or two to get a certification to help further establish yourself in the latest technology, but this is recommended for anyone pursuing an IT career. Bottom line, a video game degree, (just like any other computer-related degree), WILL lay the foundation you need to teach you the basics for programming, testing, animation, software development and other skills that are pertinent to the business world.

Stress Managment: Eight Tips for Busy Moms

2005-11-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

Moms are some of the busiest people on the planet. From working a 9-5 job to getting the kids off the school or from attending soccer games to chaperoning a slumber party, a mom's feet never seem to stay still. Some moms are responsible for taking care of their aging parents as well.

With this almost frantic pace, increased stress levels can be a natural result. Stress can impact many areas of life such as work, family, and other relationships. Stress can cause one to experience irritability, impatience, and distractibility. For busy moms, stress management is a necessity. Here are eight tips to assist in living a more stress free life.

1. Determine, no matter what, to create time for self. For some busy moms, maybe it's a soothing bubble bath at the end of the day. For others, it could be a quick trip to the local Nail Salon. The activity really doesn't matter as long as busy moms take some time for themselves.

2. Listen to calm, soothing music on the way to work, while at work, and while going to sleep. Music has a way of calming and soothing the mind body.

3. Practice deep abdominal breathing periodically throughout the day. Breath in deeply through the nose pulling the belly button toward the spine, hold for a few seconds, and then slowly release. Busy moms will be pleasantly surprised at how this simple technique can result in a more relaxed body and mind. This can be done in any environment.

4. Take time to exercise. Exercise helps to increase self-esteem, decrease depression, increase concentration and energy, and gives one a greater sense of control over stress. Hitting the local gym is not always necessary. Taking a 15-minute walk around the neighborhood, taking walks on lunch breaks, taking the steps instead of an elevator, and parking farther away when shopping are examples of how busy moms can squeeze in exercise during the day.

5. Eat Healthy. There are foods that promote calmness and foods that increase stress levels. Busy moms can ask themselves if they are eating too much sugar and caffeine, and if they are getting enough protein. They can also evaluate if they are eating plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables and staying away from refined and processed foods. Healthy eating is very important for any busy mom. Taking a look at diets and making the necessary changes can result in increased optimal health.

6. Call a friend. For any busy mom, it is always important in life to have at least one relationship where they can just vent and know that a listening ear and unconditional acceptance will be given.

7. Practice Thinking Calmly. Everyone has a favorite place that is peaceful, soothing, and calm. When stress levels increase, busy moms can take a mental break and visualize that special place. They can take note of the sights, sounds, and smells. It is important to continue to do this until relaxation is felt. Busy moms will notice that the stress they are experiencing will be less and more manageable.

8. Have a sense of humor. We all are familiar with the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine." This is so true. Be willing to laugh at personal mistakes. Watch a funny movie. Share a joke with a friend. In other words, lighten up. It will make such a difference.

Busy moms can follow the above eight tips for a more stress free life!

5 Easy Ways to Diffuse a Temper Tantrum

2005-11-15T10:37:00.000-08:00

You already know that your toddler is a whirlwind of emotions and excitement. Temper tantrums are a natural part of your child’s development and their way of working out their feelings the only way they know how. Here are five easy ways to calm your child (and yourself!) without giving in.

1. One of the best ways, heartless as it may seem, to quell a temper tantrum in progress is to ignore the child. By going into another room or a different location, you’re sending a message that their behavior is unacceptable and it won’t get them what they want. Since there’s no one around to hear them cry, they’ll stop almost immediately! Just make sure that they’re not in danger of hurting themselves or others while they’re working out their feelings.

2. Because temper tantrums are a way for your child to release their pent up emotions, you can help them express themselves more calmly by telling them how YOU feel. Saying things to them like “I feel sad when you call me names or say bad things to me” or “It hurts me when you throw things because that makes a mess and I have to clean it up.” Sharing your feelings openly and sharing what’s bothering you teaches your child that it’s good for them to respond in the same way.

3. If your child is throwing a tantrum because you took something away or won’t let them have something, refuse the urge to give in to them, no matter how loud they get. This kind of behavior is a way for them to test your patience and their boundaries. When you consistently give in to their demands, this reinforces the tantrum behavior, and it will only continue or get worse. Instead, tell your child in simple terms why you took the item away, or why they couldn’t have what they wanted at that time, and work through the anger and sadness together. This shows them that not only does crying not give you what you want, but also that you’ve set firm limits which can’t be crossed.

4. This may sound silly, but if your child starts throwing a tantrum, duplicate their behavior as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. Chances are, they’ll stop what they’re doing and wonder what’s gotten into Mommy or Daddy. This shows that their behavior is pointless, and perhaps even silly, and they won’t be as likely to do it again next time! Just be careful and don’t try this in a public place!

5. If you are in public when the tantrum hits, take your child to a quiet place where he or she can work out their feelings in private. Speak to them in an open, loving tone, and resist the urge to yell back. Say things like, “I know you’re mad. It’s okay to feel angry or sad and cry. But you can’t hit or act like that when there are people around. So let’s try getting out all our anger / letting out all our tears and having a good cry. This teaches your little one that not only are these feelings perfectly natural, but it also gives them the opportunity to work through the problem and release all those pent up emotions.

And Mom or Dad, it’s natural for you to get fed up, embarrassed or short-tempered when your child throws a tantrum. But instead of yelling out of frustration, focus on your child’s good behavior and praise them often for it. Your child mimics what he or she observes, so don’t think that a compliment goes unnoticed. Children are eager to please. By redirecting their temper tantrums into a channel of open communication and highlighting their best behavior, you’re setting a great example for them to grow into expressive, loving and respectable human beings.

How to Teach Your Children to Cook

2005-11-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

If you're ready to teach your children how to cook, here are some simple tips for teaching them the basics, and giving them skills that will last them a lifetime!

First of all, think safety. Any child that has to stand on a stool or chair in order to reach the stove is too young to cook. Start younger children off by letting them help set and clear the table, gathering ingredients, and stirring, mixing or adding ingredients.

Next, set rules about handling knives and other sharp instruments and handling hot pans or boiling ingredients. Some parents start teaching their children to cook by showing them how to make things that don't require cooking first, and then graduating to letting them make food in the microwave.

Create a relaxed atmosphere that is fun when teaching your kids to cook. Remember what it was like when you were learning to cook? Chances are, you made a few messes and broke a few dishes. It happens. Learning to cook should be fun, not drudgery, although there are certain responsibilities that go along with the privilege, such as cleaning up as you go along, and leaving the kitchen clean when you're finished.

Start with the basics. Show your kids what the different utensils are used for, and the right way to use them. Teach them about herbs and spices, and using the right ingredients for the right dishes. Cooking is a great way to learn fractions and chemistry, and your kids might not even realize they're learning while they're having fun!

Begin with simple recipes. There are some great cookbooks for kids on the market today, that include step-by-step instructions and pictures so kids can see what something's supposed to look like while they're assembling the recipe...let success build on success.

Give your kids a chance to shine. As they learn to cook more complicated recipes, let them be responsible for planning -- and cooking lunch or dinner one night. Letting your kids plan the meal -- and even shop for the ingredients will help them to realize and appreciate the effort that goes into cooking.

As your kids become more skilled, begin including foods from different cultures. Many recipes such as French crepes or Italian lasagna are not difficult to make, and your kids will develop an appreciation for many different kinds of food.

Especially for younger children, having tools that are their own size not only make cooking more fun, but make it easier for them to participate. Kid-sized kitchen utensils can be found at many department or specialty stores.

Make sure you take plenty of pictures -- you may not realize it now, but you're making memories that someday will be as delicious as that batch of chocolate chip cookies you're baking now!

Helping Teens Cope With Their Troubles

2005-11-01T04:44:00.000-08:00

Some folks say that the "teenage years are the toughest". For you and them! Growing up is a continual process filled with regular highs and lows. As a parent, it's expected. But what can you do to help through the tough times they might face down the road of life? Here are some quick tips for those parents that are struggling to understand their "troubled teens".

COMMUNICATION COUNTS!

While most teens can be pretty "tight-lipped" about many of their complicated issues they might be trying to handle or hash out on their own, simply taking the time to ask them what's bothering them or what's going on can REALLY help. Even if you don't have the best line of communication with your teen, or it has somehow broken down as they have gotten older, most teens are willing, and ready, to open up to you in most cases.

Remember to always LISTEN FIRST to what they have to say. While the topic of discussion may not seem that important in your eyes, teens see everything as a tragedy waiting to happen! To them, what they are going through is almost like the "end of the world" or at least the end of THEIR world. Most teens are self-centered, and so, the entire world as it relates to them, which is pretty much every single aspect of it, revolves around them. At least, in their thought process.

No matter how compelled you might be, DON'T INTERRUPT THEM! Let them get the weight of their concerns or problems off their chest without "butting in" irregardless of how upset you might be at what they are revealing to you. Yes, they are letting you inside their small, strange teen world, so be grateful. It will help to strengthen their trust in you not to EXPLODE on them and further open the line of communication between you both.

UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSION
After your teen has revealed the crux of their current situation, HOLD YOUR TEMPER, no matter how bad it is. Let them know that despite their actions, you love them without boundary and always will. Try putting yourself into "their shoes" and look at the situation from their vantage point.

Without being too "preachy" explain to them that you too were once a teen and had some rough patches, or made poor choices yourself, but you made it through and so will they. Teens don't like being lectured. They get enough of that in school!

Your goal is to be friendly without being their friend. You are still the parent and as the parent, you MUST hand down disciplinary consequences for their actions. Do your best to not blur this thin line. It will just make things more difficult for you both later on.

Also, remember, that the point here is to let them understand that you are ALWAYS available to listen when they are having problems. And through your life experience you are ready with solutions to those problems.

GET HELP OUTSIDE THE FAMILY
If your teen's particular situation is too much for you to effectively offer a solution or help them, don't be afraid to ask for help elsewhere. There are outstanding organizations out there ready to help. You can find just the right one by searching through the Yellow Pages or doing a topic search online to get in touch with the proper organization.

It's important for the health and well-being of your teen to do everything in your power to help. Also keep in mind that whatever the age, unless your teen is willing to TRY then any outside help you seek will be fruitless.

There are other techniques you can use to "get through" to your teen, but these are some of the most helpful.

"If" and "Then" Consequences - A Great Parenting Tool

2005-10-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

Some days it's hard to know what the best ways of teaching your children about discipline and the consequences of misbehaving really are. There are as many different parenting choices today as there are books on the subject.

However, one of the simplest and yet effective methods of disciplining your children and teaching them self-control, is to use "If" and "Then" consequences. If your family is in constant turmoil because of unacceptable behavior, or if you're tired of not having your kids mind you unless you scream and yell and lose your temper, you owe it to your family to give this a try. It's been proven to bring about quick changes, even in the most stubborn or behavior-challenged child.

However, before beginning to use this method, there are a few ground rules that you need to understand.

1. There is a world of difference between "punishing" your child and "disciplining" her. By its nature, punishment is meant to show power and strength, but little love. Discipline teaches a child what behavior they exhibited that was unacceptable, and helps them to understand why. They also learn what you want them to do next time.

2. Never discipline your child when you are angry or upset.

3. Always tell your child that it's the behavior -- not her, that's unacceptable.

4. Make the consequences of your child's action appropriate to the behavior, and make them immediate. (Also make sure that the consequences are something you both can live with. Telling your child that you'll leave her home for the next outing when you -- and she -- know that you won't, is not effective).

5. Be consistent.

"If" and "then" consequences are simple. Make a list of the behaviors you want your child to exhibit. Then make a list of the "unacceptable" behaviors. Create a "consequence" for each unacceptable behavior that is instantaneous, is appropriate to the misbehavior and takes away something the child values (preferably related to the misbehavior). This can be anything from watching television or playing video games, to spending time with friends or going somewhere special.

Now make a list of privileges your child can earn from acceptable behavior. Don't try to change every bad habit your child has developed all at once. You could start by picking one or two, but no more than three.

Once you know what each consequence or reward is, schedule a time to talk to your child. Make sure that it's a time that you are relaxed and calm, and so is your child.

Keep the discussion brief, and make it appropriate to her age level. Let her know that you love her, and because of your love, that the two of you are going to work on changing some unacceptable behaviors.

Discuss your own behavior first. Talk honestly to your child about how getting angry and your actions makes you feel. Tell her which behaviors you exhibit at those times that you want to change, and how you'd rather behave. Then move to her behavior, and explain which behaviors are unacceptable. Explain why the behavior is unacceptable (again, put the discussion on her level). Just make sure to keep it upbeat, and fairly short. Don't get angry or upset, and remember that this isn't about blame or punishment.

If your child can read, giving her a written list of the rewards and consequences may help her to process the new system. If your child doesn't read, or isn't receptive to the new methods, don't give up hope. One of the secrets to success is consistency on your part.

One of the reasons that this method works so well and so quickly, is because it targets the behaviors, and clearly lays out the consequences for each. After your discussion, if your child chooses inappropriate behaviors, she knows already what the consequences are, and you are no longer the "bad guy".

Don't expect that everything is going to change all at once. In fact, you should expect to remind your child for several weeks of the consequences for negative behavior.

For example, if you have a child who frequently has temper tantrums in the grocery store, then before taking her with you, remind her of the reward for good behavior "If you accept a "no" answer if I can't buy you everything you want while we're in the store this afternoon, then I will let you choose the cereal you want." (Again, make the reward appropriate and something that she values).

Right before going into the store, stop and talk to her again, only this time, remind her of the negative consequence. "If you throw a temper tantrum once we're in the store, then the consequence is that we will leave the store right away, and you won't get to choose your favorite cereal."

And every time your child exhibits the behavior you want and expect, praise her for it. "I'm really proud of you, honey! We went into the grocery store, and even though I had to tell you that we couldn't get the ice cream, you accepted the 'no' answer. Your behavior was exactly right. Now, let's go choose your favorite cereal!"

As your child learns that you are going to remain consistent with this new system, and understands the consequences of negative behaviors, most behavior problems begin to noticeably decrease.

The consequences of positive behavior are that you and your child will communicate with each other better and there will be fewer power struggles and more quality family time.

Allowing Your To Surf the Net Safely

2005-10-12T02:51:00.000-07:00

The Internet has changed our world forever. Information on any subject is available 24/7. There are very few restrictions on what people can put on the Internet which means there are many sites totally unsuitable for children. Unfortunately, there are also unscrupulous people in cyberspace who will happily take advantage of children.

To keep your children safe on the Net set some basic rules for them. Discuss these rules with your children and make sure they are totally clear about the rules and that the rules are non-negotiable (computer privileges can be suspended when rules are broken).

It may be necessary to make rules that are appropriate to the age of the child. For smaller children pin a copy of your family Internet rules near the computer. Discuss as a family, what sites you consider inappropriate and why.

Supervision of computer usage is vital. Again, this may need to be altered to suit the age of the child, but even teenagers should have someone occasionally check the sites they choose to surf. If the computer is in their bedroom set time limits when it can be used and do random checks of what sites they are surfing.

Explain to children that they should never, under any circumstances, give out their name, age, address, phone number or any other personal details on the Internet. This is particularly true when visiting chat rooms. Also, children should never send their photo to anyone without their parents' permission. If you suspect anyone is showing an interest in obtaining private information from your child, stop using the site in-question and report the issue to the site manager. There is usually a contact email address on the website (or you can contact your Internet Service Provider).

Be aware of whom your child is making friends with on-line; just as you would with any friend they make off line. If your child resents you monitoring their on-line chats give them a choice of having chats monitored occasionally or not being allowed to use chats at all. Emphasize you are doing it for their safety.

Another option to enable children to surf the net safely is to install software which will filter what content your child can access on the Net. These generally work by preventing entry to sites whose names contain keywords that you put on a banned list. While these can be very useful in some instances, they can prevent older children viewing legitimate sites that they may need to access for homework.

You can also alter settings on your computer's Internet Browser to prevent some sites from being accessed. Check with your Internet Service Provider to see if they may also offer some form of protection.

The Internet is a tool which when carefully used can be of great benefit. Our children have never known a world without the Internet and it's up to each of us to ensure their safety in this exciting (and challenging) new technological world.

Getting Your Kids to Talk to You

2005-10-06T11:38:00.000-07:00

Being a parent isn't easy. Some days just getting everyone in your family all together at the same time for dinner can seem like the "impossible dream". Between after school sports and clubs and working and errands and carpools, it's not surprising that almost half of the parents in a recent survey said they feel a growing distance between themselves and their children.

Today's children have more things to deal with than kids did even twenty years ago. Drugs, violence, mixed messages in advertising, peer pressure, packed schedules and outside activities all add to the pressure they face.

So how, in the midst of all this chaos, do you find time to talk to your kids -- and more importantly, have them talk back to you?

Here are several ideas that can help:

1. Eat dinner together as a family at least three times a week. Conversations flow easier when they happen around the dinner table. If your family is conversationally-challenged in the beginning, think of conversation starters before each meal. Plan a family vacation, letting each child talk about where they'd like to go, or what they'd like to do. Talk about current events, the latest movies or upcoming special events. Ask your children open-ended questions that have to be answered with more than yes or no.

2. Turn off the outside world. Set aside "family time" each night and have everyone turn off their phones, the computers and the television. Let your friends and extended family know that you won't be available during that time, and stick to it. Your kids (especially teenagers) may joke about it, but secretly they'll probably be delighted. Use this time to reconnect with each other. Watch a movie, play board games, take turns reading out loud, but whatever you do, do it together.

3. Cook at least one meal a week together. Even your youngest children can do something to help. If your kitchen is too small for everyone to fit, schedule a "helper" or have your children be responsible for different parts of the meal. Your family will grow closer during this time, and your kids may even start the conversations themselves. (You can always get the ball rolling by talking about things you did with your parents. While you may not be cool, chances are your kids think your parents are, and will be impressed).

4. Make it safe for your kids to talk to you. Let them know that you won't get angry or upset if they talk to you about what's going on. If they tell you something "off the record" then let it stay that way. (Emergencies and dangerous situations aside).

5. Listen to what they have to say. If you're working, or doing something else when your child starts to talk to you, they may give up if they know your attention is really somewhere else. Give your child the same courtesy that you'd give to a friend or acquaintance, by giving them your undivided attention when they're speaking.

6. Use active listening skills. Make sure that you understand what your child is telling you. Repeat what they told you and ask questions.

7. Set aside special time to spend with each child. It may be nothing more than taking one child at a time with you when you run errands, but let each child know that you value spending special time with them.

8. Be patient. Don't expect a "perfect" family. If you're not June Cleaver and your husband isn't Howard Cunningham, it's okay. Just remember that perfect families really don't exist outside of television re-runs.

Just keep trying, and you'll learn the art of conversation with your kids isn't as hard as you thought!

The Art of Getting Your Kids to Talk to You

2005-09-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

Grandparenting in the 21st Century

2005-08-15T04:32:00.000-07:00

As if the stress of raising kids in today's hustle-bustle world isn't enough, with both of you working and the price of everything going through the roof; let's add to your family situation a couple of well-intentioned, "experienced" child-rearing experts.

I mean, after all, look at the fine job we did raising you.

For the purpose of this article, let's assume that you haven't, at least not yet, taken the easy way out and moved across the country---far away from "Grandma and Grandpa", "Grams and Gramps", or whatever pet names you have assigned us.

No, imagine that you are the fortunate ones who have these virtual "fonts of child-rearing knowledge" living right next door---literally or figuratively.

Quick, easy baby sitting service, right? Right! You've probably already discovered that nothing is ever "quick and easy" when "G......and G......" are involved.

Thanks to modern medicine and the AARP (Association for the Advancement or Retired People), G and G are probably nearly as busy as you are. The truth of the matter is that you will probably find yourselves called upon to house and pet sit on an all-too-regular basis, as these two aged adventurers depart on one project after the other. There are, after all, cruises to be taken, many old friends to be visited, and plenty of beaches to be walked hand-in-hand at sunset/sunrise.

True, we weren't there for you as much as we would have liked during your formative years; but, please remember, we weren't there for ourselves much either. We somehow managed to shuffle careers with baseball and cheer-leading practice; housework with PTA meetings; sleep with sleep-overs and birthday parties. You know the drill. You're living it right now.

Forgive us please if we sometimes seem a bit jealous of our time. Do you remember all of the things we predicted that you would understand when you grew up and had your own family? Trust us on this one too then, when we say that you will also, someday, understand where we are right now. That understanding will come all too soon.

Right now, you assume as we did, that you have years and years to go.

Do you remember the day you were born? How about the day you finished high school, then college? Can you remember three days BEFORE your wedding? You remember some; but, we remember it ALL. And do you know what? From our current perspective, it all happened in an instant.

And now, for most of us, that "instant" contains over 50 years of change. Remember also, that many of us are "old hippies" at heart; and, Viagra not withstanding, many of us still retain that mindset. We were the "Make Love, Not War" generation-----something you have only read about in your history books; along with Vietnam, the Cold War, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, "......A giant step for mankind", Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy, Sputnik and CHALLENGER; and a host of other mind-boggling, life-altering, belief-challenging experiences.

We know that we're not unique. Each generation somehow survives its "defining moments". Our parents had World War Two and "the bomb". Their parents had World War One and The Great Depression.

You've already had Iran and Iraq, Y2K, and September 11th; and you are living in a world that has changed forever.

You'll survive; our grandkids will survive and thrive, as will their children. We just want you to know how blessed we feel to be able to continue sharing in this adventure.

Please bear with us if we don't always fit the traditional "G....and G...." stereotype. It's a brand new century for all of us.

Bear with us also if we seem to think that we have imperfect children.....and perfect grandchildren. You can take some comfort from the fact that our parents held the very same thought. Something else that you will understand.......all too soon.

Thanks so much to all of you; for being you.....and of our life.

Dove Foundation Applauded for Reviewing Family Entertainment

2005-06-21T02:11:00.000-07:00

Every spring school children across America bring home notices about the upcoming Dove Family Film festivals. For approximately six weeks, selected movies are shown for free to children 12 and under and for only $2 for adults. It’s a wonderful opportunity to see some age appropriate family movies without denting the family budget.

However the Dove Foundation, who sponsors the film festivals, does so much more than offer free movies. The Foundation is a non-profit organization established to promote and support the creation, production and distribution of wholesome family entertainment. The Foundation, which doesn’t operate under commercial pressures, awards a blue and white Dove Seal to any movie or video that is rated "family-friendly" by its film review board. The review board is made up of parents who have been trained to evaluate each film or video based upon Judeo-Christian ethics. To date they have approved over 3,000 videos and movies.

That amount of R-rated movies that have been released since 1968 is staggering. Of all films released since then, 60% have been rated-R. Parents are fervently seeking high quality, wholesome entertainment options for their families. They don’t want their children exposed to all the unnecessary sex, violence and anti-family values that runs rampant at the movie theaters and on their own DVDs. Now, because of the Dove Foundation, there is a reliable indicator to identify movies that are safe for family viewing. The Dove Seal makes it easy for customers to recognize titles that are safe for family viewing.

In addition to the film festivals and the review board, the Foundation also has a Children's Hospital Dove Movie Channel. The goal of this channel is to provide Dove-approved movies to hospitalized children. Day-time television is loaded with soap-operas and talk shows which are not geared toward the younger audiences. This Hospital Movie Channel is free to hospitals and provides a welcomed break for kids who have nothing to do all day long between treatments, therapies and surgeries.

Steve Allen, comedian, author, composer and former "Tonight Show" host says it best, "There is no doubt that our entire culture is experiencing a moral breakdown. People can get more family-friendly movies on film and television by supporting the Dove Foundation."

Don’t forget to look for the blue and white Dove Seal of approval while browsing the video stores! Also, if you’re interested in reviewing the Dove evaluations for a particular movie, visit http://www.dove.org.

The Family that Plays (Games) Together

2005-06-01T15:54:00.000-07:00

Depending on how old your children are, you’re either going to get a response of "Yippee" or one of "That is so stupid, I don’t want to play" when you announce the inception of game night in your house. Make it non-optional, but make it fun! It will be worthwhile and will create a bond you would have never imagined.

Plan aside one night a week where everyone will be home. If you don’t have one night where everyone will be there, you have a bigger issue and you need to juggle some things around so you have at the very least one night where the entire family is home.

Providing Mom or Dad’s back and knees can handle it, set up a blanket on the floor. This needs to be fun, not something the kids dread. Set up themes to play a game. Perhaps choose a Hawaiian theme. Have pineapples and things like that, everyone wears leis. Hey, even Sponge Bob lives in a pineapple under the sea!

Ok, so back to the theme. Each person needs to bring to the blanket an idea about the theme. For example, each person could talk about what they know or ask any questions they may have about Hawaii. (Or Sponge Bob trivia!)

The game itself doesn’t necessarily have to relate to the theme; just the atmosphere and conversation. You could be playing Yatzee, Life, Clue, Sorry, Chutes and Ladders, Don’t Spill the Beans, Uno, Texas Hold ‘Em, it doesn’t matter which game you’re playing. You could incorporate your theme into various intervals throughout the game. Every time someone lands on a yellow square everyone must take a bite of pineapple. Spin a ten and all must eat a macadamia nut! If you select the Go to Jail card, it’s your turn to do the Hula!

At the end of each game night, talk about next week’s theme. Family members can take turns choosing the theme and the accompanying snacks and décor. If it’s too much for one person to coordinate or if children are younger, these tasks can be delegated. Your three year old can decide she wants a clown theme complete with balloons and everyone will wear clown make-up. Your 7th grader made opt for an art theme and paint or draw the decorations.

This doesn’t have to be an expensive night at all. You can pick up new games at thrift stores and garage sales for $1.00. Most decorations you may already have around the house or can be picked up at the same places you’re getting second hand games or even the dollar store. Make it fun. Your children won’t remember and thank you for all the hours you put in a work, but they will always cherish the family time together. The family that plays together stays together.