The Art of Getting Your Kids to Talk to You

Being a parent isn't easy. Some days just getting everyone in your family all together at the same time for dinner can seem like the "impossible dream". Between after school sports and clubs and working and errands and carpools, it's not surprising that almost half of the parents in a recent survey said they feel a growing distance between themselves and their children.

Today's children have more things to deal with than kids did even twenty years ago. Drugs, violence, mixed messages in advertising, peer pressure, packed schedules and outside activities all add to the pressure they face.

So how, in the midst of all this chaos, do you find time to talk to your kids -- and more importantly, have them talk back to you?

Here are several ideas that can help:

1. Eat dinner together as a family at least three times a week. Conversations flow easier when they happen around the dinner table. If your family is conversationally-challenged in the beginning, think of conversation starters before each meal. Plan a family vacation, letting each child talk about where they'd like to go, or what they'd like to do. Talk about current events, the latest movies or upcoming special events. Ask your children open-ended questions that have to be answered with more than yes or no.

2. Turn off the outside world. Set aside "family time" each night and have everyone turn off their phones, the computers and the television. Let your friends and extended family know that you won't be available during that time, and stick to it. Your kids (especially teenagers) may joke about it, but secretly they'll probably be delighted. Use this time to reconnect with each other. Watch a movie, play board games, take turns reading out loud, but whatever you do, do it together.

3. Cook at least one meal a week together. Even your youngest children can do something to help. If your kitchen is too small for everyone to fit, schedule a "helper" or have your children be responsible for different parts of the meal. Your family will grow closer during this time, and your kids may even start the conversations themselves. (You can always get the ball rolling by talking about things you did with your parents. While you may not be cool, chances are your kids think your parents are, and will be impressed).

4. Make it safe for your kids to talk to you. Let them know that you won't get angry or upset if they talk to you about what's going on. If they tell you something "off the record" then let it stay that way. (Emergencies and dangerous situations aside).

5. Listen to what they have to say. If you're working, or doing something else when your child starts to talk to you, they may give up if they know your attention is really somewhere else. Give your child the same courtesy that you'd give to a friend or acquaintance, by giving them your undivided attention when they're speaking.

6. Use active listening skills. Make sure that you understand what your child is telling you. Repeat what they told you and ask questions.

7. Set aside special time to spend with each child. It may be nothing more than taking one child at a time with you when you run errands, but let each child know that you value spending special time with them.

8. Be patient. Don't expect a "perfect" family. If you're not June Cleaver and your husband isn't Howard Cunningham, it's okay. Just remember that perfect families really don't exist outside of television re-runs.

Just keep trying, and you'll learn the art of conversation with your kids isn't as hard as you thought!

Grandparenting in the 21st Century

As if the stress of raising kids in today's hustle-bustle world isn't enough, with both of you working and the price of everything going through the roof; let's add to your family situation a couple of well-intentioned, "experienced" child-rearing experts.

I mean, after all, look at the fine job we did raising you.

For the purpose of this article, let's assume that you haven't, at least not yet, taken the easy way out and moved across the country---far away from "Grandma and Grandpa", "Grams and Gramps", or whatever pet names you have assigned us.

No, imagine that you are the fortunate ones who have these virtual "fonts of child-rearing knowledge" living right next door---literally or figuratively.

Quick, easy baby sitting service, right? Right! You've probably already discovered that nothing is ever "quick and easy" when "G......and G......" are involved.

Thanks to modern medicine and the AARP (Association for the Advancement or Retired People), G and G are probably nearly as busy as you are. The truth of the matter is that you will probably find yourselves called upon to house and pet sit on an all-too-regular basis, as these two aged adventurers depart on one project after the other. There are, after all, cruises to be taken, many old friends to be visited, and plenty of beaches to be walked hand-in-hand at sunset/sunrise.

True, we weren't there for you as much as we would have liked during your formative years; but, please remember, we weren't there for ourselves much either. We somehow managed to shuffle careers with baseball and cheer-leading practice; housework with PTA meetings; sleep with sleep-overs and birthday parties. You know the drill. You're living it right now.

Forgive us please if we sometimes seem a bit jealous of our time. Do you remember all of the things we predicted that you would understand when you grew up and had your own family? Trust us on this one too then, when we say that you will also, someday, understand where we are right now. That understanding will come all too soon.

Right now, you assume as we did, that you have years and years to go.

Do you remember the day you were born? How about the day you finished high school, then college? Can you remember three days BEFORE your wedding? You remember some; but, we remember it ALL. And do you know what? From our current perspective, it all happened in an instant.

And now, for most of us, that "instant" contains over 50 years of change. Remember also, that many of us are "old hippies" at heart; and, Viagra not withstanding, many of us still retain that mindset. We were the "Make Love, Not War" generation-----something you have only read about in your history books; along with Vietnam, the Cold War, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, "......A giant step for mankind", Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy, Sputnik and CHALLENGER; and a host of other mind-boggling, life-altering, belief-challenging experiences.

We know that we're not unique. Each generation somehow survives its "defining moments". Our parents had World War Two and "the bomb". Their parents had World War One and The Great Depression.

You've already had Iran and Iraq, Y2K, and September 11th; and you are living in a world that has changed forever.

You'll survive; our grandkids will survive and thrive, as will their children. We just want you to know how blessed we feel to be able to continue sharing in this adventure.

Please bear with us if we don't always fit the traditional "G....and G...." stereotype. It's a brand new century for all of us.

Bear with us also if we seem to think that we have imperfect children.....and perfect grandchildren. You can take some comfort from the fact that our parents held the very same thought. Something else that you will understand.......all too soon.

Thanks so much to all of you; for being you.....and of our life.

Dove Foundation Applauded for Reviewing Family Entertainment

Every spring school children across America bring home notices about the upcoming Dove Family Film festivals. For approximately six weeks, selected movies are shown for free to children 12 and under and for only $2 for adults. It’s a wonderful opportunity to see some age appropriate family movies without denting the family budget.

However the Dove Foundation, who sponsors the film festivals, does so much more than offer free movies. The Foundation is a non-profit organization established to promote and support the creation, production and distribution of wholesome family entertainment. The Foundation, which doesn’t operate under commercial pressures, awards a blue and white Dove Seal to any movie or video that is rated "family-friendly" by its film review board. The review board is made up of parents who have been trained to evaluate each film or video based upon Judeo-Christian ethics. To date they have approved over 3,000 videos and movies.

That amount of R-rated movies that have been released since 1968 is staggering. Of all films released since then, 60% have been rated-R. Parents are fervently seeking high quality, wholesome entertainment options for their families. They don’t want their children exposed to all the unnecessary sex, violence and anti-family values that runs rampant at the movie theaters and on their own DVDs. Now, because of the Dove Foundation, there is a reliable indicator to identify movies that are safe for family viewing. The Dove Seal makes it easy for customers to recognize titles that are safe for family viewing.

In addition to the film festivals and the review board, the Foundation also has a Children's Hospital Dove Movie Channel. The goal of this channel is to provide Dove-approved movies to hospitalized children. Day-time television is loaded with soap-operas and talk shows which are not geared toward the younger audiences. This Hospital Movie Channel is free to hospitals and provides a welcomed break for kids who have nothing to do all day long between treatments, therapies and surgeries.

Steve Allen, comedian, author, composer and former "Tonight Show" host says it best, "There is no doubt that our entire culture is experiencing a moral breakdown. People can get more family-friendly movies on film and television by supporting the Dove Foundation."

Don’t forget to look for the blue and white Dove Seal of approval while browsing the video stores! Also, if you’re interested in reviewing the Dove evaluations for a particular movie, visit http://www.dove.org.

The Family that Plays (Games) Together

Depending on how old your children are, you’re either going to get a response of "Yippee" or one of "That is so stupid, I don’t want to play" when you announce the inception of game night in your house. Make it non-optional, but make it fun! It will be worthwhile and will create a bond you would have never imagined.

Plan aside one night a week where everyone will be home. If you don’t have one night where everyone will be there, you have a bigger issue and you need to juggle some things around so you have at the very least one night where the entire family is home.

Providing Mom or Dad’s back and knees can handle it, set up a blanket on the floor. This needs to be fun, not something the kids dread. Set up themes to play a game. Perhaps choose a Hawaiian theme. Have pineapples and things like that, everyone wears leis. Hey, even Sponge Bob lives in a pineapple under the sea!

Ok, so back to the theme. Each person needs to bring to the blanket an idea about the theme. For example, each person could talk about what they know or ask any questions they may have about Hawaii. (Or Sponge Bob trivia!)

The game itself doesn’t necessarily have to relate to the theme; just the atmosphere and conversation. You could be playing Yatzee, Life, Clue, Sorry, Chutes and Ladders, Don’t Spill the Beans, Uno, Texas Hold ‘Em, it doesn’t matter which game you’re playing. You could incorporate your theme into various intervals throughout the game. Every time someone lands on a yellow square everyone must take a bite of pineapple. Spin a ten and all must eat a macadamia nut! If you select the Go to Jail card, it’s your turn to do the Hula!

At the end of each game night, talk about next week’s theme. Family members can take turns choosing the theme and the accompanying snacks and décor. If it’s too much for one person to coordinate or if children are younger, these tasks can be delegated. Your three year old can decide she wants a clown theme complete with balloons and everyone will wear clown make-up. Your 7th grader made opt for an art theme and paint or draw the decorations.

This doesn’t have to be an expensive night at all. You can pick up new games at thrift stores and garage sales for $1.00. Most decorations you may already have around the house or can be picked up at the same places you’re getting second hand games or even the dollar store. Make it fun. Your children won’t remember and thank you for all the hours you put in a work, but they will always cherish the family time together. The family that plays together stays together.