5 Easy Ways to Diffuse a Temper Tantrum

You already know that your toddler is a whirlwind of emotions and excitement. Temper tantrums are a natural part of your child’s development and their way of working out their feelings the only way they know how. Here are five easy ways to calm your child (and yourself!) without giving in.

1. One of the best ways, heartless as it may seem, to quell a temper tantrum in progress is to ignore the child. By going into another room or a different location, you’re sending a message that their behavior is unacceptable and it won’t get them what they want. Since there’s no one around to hear them cry, they’ll stop almost immediately! Just make sure that they’re not in danger of hurting themselves or others while they’re working out their feelings.

2. Because temper tantrums are a way for your child to release their pent up emotions, you can help them express themselves more calmly by telling them how YOU feel. Saying things to them like “I feel sad when you call me names or say bad things to me” or “It hurts me when you throw things because that makes a mess and I have to clean it up.” Sharing your feelings openly and sharing what’s bothering you teaches your child that it’s good for them to respond in the same way.

3. If your child is throwing a tantrum because you took something away or won’t let them have something, refuse the urge to give in to them, no matter how loud they get. This kind of behavior is a way for them to test your patience and their boundaries. When you consistently give in to their demands, this reinforces the tantrum behavior, and it will only continue or get worse. Instead, tell your child in simple terms why you took the item away, or why they couldn’t have what they wanted at that time, and work through the anger and sadness together. This shows them that not only does crying not give you what you want, but also that you’ve set firm limits which can’t be crossed.

4. This may sound silly, but if your child starts throwing a tantrum, duplicate their behavior as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. Chances are, they’ll stop what they’re doing and wonder what’s gotten into Mommy or Daddy. This shows that their behavior is pointless, and perhaps even silly, and they won’t be as likely to do it again next time! Just be careful and don’t try this in a public place!

5. If you are in public when the tantrum hits, take your child to a quiet place where he or she can work out their feelings in private. Speak to them in an open, loving tone, and resist the urge to yell back. Say things like, “I know you’re mad. It’s okay to feel angry or sad and cry. But you can’t hit or act like that when there are people around. So let’s try getting out all our anger / letting out all our tears and having a good cry. This teaches your little one that not only are these feelings perfectly natural, but it also gives them the opportunity to work through the problem and release all those pent up emotions.

And Mom or Dad, it’s natural for you to get fed up, embarrassed or short-tempered when your child throws a tantrum. But instead of yelling out of frustration, focus on your child’s good behavior and praise them often for it. Your child mimics what he or she observes, so don’t think that a compliment goes unnoticed. Children are eager to please. By redirecting their temper tantrums into a channel of open communication and highlighting their best behavior, you’re setting a great example for them to grow into expressive, loving and respectable human beings.